October 23, 2026 · 6 min read
What Happens in Couples Therapy? Gottman Method Tools That Help Couples Reconnect
Curious about Gottman couples therapy? Learn what the Gottman Method is, what BIPOC, South Asian, and Latine couples often face, and what online couples therapy in Illinois looks like.
Many couples wait years before reaching out for support. By then, the same arguments may feel like they’re on repeat, and it can be hard to remember what it felt like to be on the same team.
Couples therapy isn’t only for relationships in crisis. It can be a place to slow down, understand each other more deeply, and build new ways of handling conflict—whether you’ve been together two years or twenty.
What is the Gottman Method?
The Gottman Method is an approach to couples therapy developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, based on decades of research observing how couples interact. It focuses on strengthening friendship, managing conflict with more care, and building shared meaning.
I am trained in Gottman Method Level 1, and I weave these research-informed ideas together with a culturally aware, trauma-informed approach.
The Four Horsemen (and their antidotes)
The Gottmans identified four communication patterns that tend to wear relationships down over time. Each one has an antidote that couples can practice:
- Criticism → Gentle start-up: sharing a feeling and a need instead of attacking character
- Contempt → Building appreciation: noticing and naming what you value in your partner
- Defensiveness → Taking responsibility, even for a small part of the problem
- Stonewalling → Self-soothing: taking a calm break when overwhelmed, then coming back
A few tools we may explore in sessions
Every couple is different, so sessions are tailored to you. Here are just a few examples of what we may work with:
- Love Maps — staying curious about each other’s inner world, hopes, and stresses
- Turning toward bids for connection — noticing the small moments your partner reaches for you
- Repair attempts — ways to de-escalate and reconnect during a hard conversation
What BIPOC couples often face
Couples don’t exist in a vacuum. Culture, family, racism, and immigration all shape how partners relate to each other. Research highlights some common pressures:
- About 11% of married U.S. adults have a spouse of a different race or ethnicity, rising to 19% among newlyweds (Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 2024)
- Diaspora Indians have one of the lowest intermarriage rates of any U.S. immigrant group, at about 20%. Tension between collectivist family values and individualist American culture was a major reason these couples sought counseling (Family Relations, 2023)
- In a study of 330 Latino newlywed couples, a husband’s experience of racial discrimination predicted lower marital satisfaction for his wife—while a strong ethnic identity helped buffer that effect (Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 2012)
- A review of 15 studies found intercultural couples often face family disapproval, marginalization, and conflicting cultural values, all linked to lower relationship satisfaction (Personal Relationships, 2023)
South Asian and Latine couples: culture in the room
For many South Asian and Latine couples, family is deeply woven into the relationship. In-law expectations, gender roles, religion, stigma about therapy, and the stress of immigration or being first-generation can all show up in conflict.
In our work, we can name these pressures as something you face together rather than something that divides you—honoring your cultures while building the relationship you want. LGBTQIA+ and neurodivergent couples are warmly welcome, too.
What sessions look like
Sessions are virtual for couples across Illinois and are available in English, Spanish, and Hindi/Urdu. Your first session is 90 minutes so we have time to get to know you both; after that, sessions last 45–52 minutes. Couples therapy is $200 per session for each 45-52 minute session, or you can use insurance.
Frequently asked questions
- Do both partners need to come? Yes. Couples therapy means both partners attend together. If only one person attends, that’s individual therapy.
- Is it only for married couples? No. Dating, engaged, partnered, and married couples are all welcome.
- Can couples therapy work online? Yes. Many couples find it easier to open up from the comfort of home, and virtual sessions make scheduling simpler.
Ready to begin?
You don’t have to wait until things fall apart to get support. If you’re curious whether couples therapy is a fit, book a free 15-minute consultation.
Couples therapy is not recommended when there is ongoing abuse or violence in the relationship. If you don’t feel safe, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. This article is general education, not individualized treatment advice, and results vary for every couple.